A tongue in cheek look at parenting.
This is to make you laugh (I hope at least one person finds something in this list funny) although there is an element of seriousness to it too. I think as a parent I sometimes (okay let me be honest) a lot of times I find myself taking the task of raising my children in the “right” way far too seriously.
So here is my list of the Top 10 ways to be Rubbish at Parenting
- Blame your parents. After all isn’t everything you learnt about parenting learnt from them? They shouted at you so that’s why you have no option but to blow your top at your kids. Or they were far too strict and so you have to be super relaxed and easy with your kids.
- Think you have been given the wrong children. If only my child was a little more outgoing. Or if only my child was calmer and less restless. If only he or she was DIFFERENT….
- Believe that you have cracked The Parenting Code eg “Parents must never shout at their children” take the moral high ground and then feel tremendous shame and guilt when your child won’t get his coat on or worse won’t brush his teeth and you find yourself shouting.
- Compare yourself to other parents. Especially the ones in glossy magazines. They will always look as if they are having a better time than you. Remember they are paid to look good and smile.
- Compare your children to other children. Especially the ones in kids clothes catalogues. They will always be better looking, better dressed, less smelly and in more tidy surroundings than your own.
- Think there is a right way to parent. You might not have found it yet, but you believe you will. In fact you are convinced that those parents in glossy magazines and the kids in clothes catalogues have found the right way to parent and that’s why they look so good.
- Read too many “How to Parent” books and get confused. Keep changing according to the different advice you read. Take on the guidelines and lose track of your own inner compass. Give up and feel worse than where you began.
- Forget “this too shall pass”. Believe that you will be always getting up three times a night for a child, that you will be always changing nappies, that you will be a taxi forever driving your kids to school. Forget everything is impermanent including childhood.
- Think you should be a certain way around your kids. Try to remain sane, centred and calm at all times. Think your kids need a perfect you. (Hint: Remember the catalogues and glossy mags)
- Think that one day, some day in the future, you will get it right .. maybe when you :
have begun to understand your children better… have children that are a little (or a lot) older than they are now… have read enough books… have searched and found the right answer on the internet…. have had enough therapy or counselling… have sorted out your finances, your work, your thinking or your relationship with your mother, your ex, your boss etc…
Only then you will be able to be a good parent.
The fact is you are a good parent now.
No-one is a rubbish parent.
You are the best parent you can be in each and every moment. By default, as a parent you are living, learning, growing and changing each day. There is nowhere to go to with your parenting, there is just what is happening now. And truth be known no-one knows how to parent… for that reason it’s scary, funny, wild, juicy, boring, playful, joyful, tedious, endless, frustrating and magical. Without needing to force any changes you are changing, children demonstrate so wonderfully how life is a constant flow … so enjoy it and don’t enjoy it ! It’s simply the ups and downs, the ebb and flow of parenting, of life itself. Please don’t buy into the story of being a rubbish parent. You are just you. All Good.