Last week I wrote about the children deciding they wanted to go to school.
After a fabulous year of homeschooling or unschooling. We’ve all enjoyed it. (I’ve particularly loved not being tied to school holidays for our adventures).
Going to school is quite an adventure – for living on an island as we do, means they have to boat off, take the school bus on Mull and it’s a full school day with lunch at school.
After a week or so of this my Son had a complete meltdown..I don’t like it. I don’t want to go to school….AAAGH
He’s managed (with some mummy coaching) to see that it’s not all bad, and to be fair it’s simply a mainstream school. A different kind of school culture than what he is used to: the teachers had a different style, there are new school rules to learn, a whole bunch of new children to make friends with, unfamiliar food, and being brave enough to ask for what he wants, to put his hand up has been difficult. He’s only 7.
My daughter who is eleven had all the worries, fears and doubts prior to actually starting, I should say for her it’s been pretty plain sailing.
And standing by HIS decision to go to school, on some soul level I think he wanted the challenges. But tricky at the moment wondering whether to keep him in – it’s only for the rest of this summer term and then its hols and after the summer he will be going back to the Steiner school (which he is really looking forward to) as the plan has always been to move back to Findhorn, to leave Erraid.
I’m loving the challenge of the parenting dilemma. “Am I doing the right thing for my child”, living to sit with the doubt, the fear that I’m not and trusting each day to do what feels right. I’ve coached other parents through their doubts and fears, undo the thoughts that they are holding onto and directing them to find what is in their heart and trust that.
So in my heart it still feels okay that he continues to go to school and I am making friends with the doubt that arises when I see he is struggling.
And who knows, he might be struggling whatever school he was at, he might be struggling with being at home, his journey might simply be the engagement of struggle at the moment. My question for myself is can I hold him in this struggle with love. Can I hold myself in it with love.